So this is happening in real time and I don’t know if my emotions are super high rn or I’m completely in the right. My sister in law is getting married and I been helping her plan her wedding, from the DJ to the makeup artist to hair etc. She asked me to be in the wedding party. I agreed to that. My husband agreed to have me read a prayer at the church even though I’m not very religious and to sponsor the wedding. I was never asked for that. Comes to today her first dress fitting, I’m there with my mother in law my sisters in law and her future in laws, everyone was looking at bridesmaid dresses and so was I. I was then in that moment told I was not in the wedding party, I was not allowed to be in the wedding photos, and would have to drive myself to the wedding due to my husband being in the grooms party. I was told I was basically the wedding my planner and would need to leave after the ceremony while the wedding party took photos, to make sure the reception was being set up correctly. I walked away and texted my husband I was upset but didn’t wanna ruin his sisters big moment. She picked her dress and they continued to look at bridesmaid dresses. I told my sil I was leaving and congratulations on the dress. I made it outside and began to cry and called my husband and explain the situation to him. This isn’t the first time his family has done this to me. In the 9 years we been together they disrespected me and my marriage so many times. I explained I no longer wanted to attend the wedding and he said okay but I still am. I told him if he wanted to that was fine, but it would be the last time he allows his family to make me feel this way. He said I’m being ridiculous and my family agrees with him. So am I the @$$hole? 5footfilly said: If your husband goes to this wedding you will end up resenting him. After that it’s just a matter of time. Cut your losses and go find someone who will honor his vows to put you first. NTA."AITA for telling my husband I was going to divorce him for going to his sisters wedding?"
Do you think she's being the AH? Here's what top commenters had to say:
SpeechDistinct8793 said:
Nope and follow through with it if he can’t stick up for you. If you’re petty, cancel everything you had a part in planning. Any money you spent, return any and everything.
ArmChairDetective84 said:
NTA You have an in law & husband problem..get rid of both .
ComfortableZebra2412 said:
NTA wow that whole family husbands included are a bunch of AHs. They want to make you do a sh*t ton of free work after being kicked from the wedding party. They sure don't like OP., and hubby is just totally fine with all this, not good. Wake up call something is very wrong for this relationship
HunterDangerous1366 said:
It depends on your petty level.
1. You agree to be the planner. And what do wedding planners need? Payment. You are not investing time, money, and effort without any of the benefits that a hired wedding planner would. But your FaMiLy! How could you do this? Well, I'm not family enough to be in any of the family pictures or to avoid being unceremoniously dumped out of the wedding party, so...
2. You don't attend and stick to your word.
3. You do #1, then use any payment received to pay for your divorce lawyer.
It's not just disrespect from his family or yours. It's the disrespect from your husband! He thinks it's fine for his sister to have you run ragged for her wedding? But it's OK... cos he will see you at the reception when you've finished being her lacky while all the other invited guests are enjoying themselves? Screw that.
The day after her original post, she shared this update:
I looked it up to give you the correct answer: sponsors are the only people you legally need at your wedding. They act as witnesses to your marriage and they're the ones who will sign your marriage certificate. Of course, aside from the legal aspect, they also act as godparents to you and your partner.
Also today was the wedding party pre dinner to get to know one another. I was invited over a month ago with my husband but I couldn’t go today due to it being my mothers birthday. So my husband and I told his sister I could do the dress fitting but not the dinner.
So I’m confused as to why I needed to be at the dress fitting with all the bridesmaids and the wedding party dinner ? She called all week to make sure I still be at the dress fitting. She was upset but my mom has lung cancer and she’s not doing well. So I wouldn’t miss her birthday.
My husband texted his sister and told her we weren’t going to come. I’m not sure what she said back but he was upset the whole dinner for my moms birthday. The DJ is my brothers bestfriend, and the makeup artist is my step sister, so I know I could tell them what’s going on and they cancel.
Backstory: On thanksgiving my sister in law asked me and her sisters (3) to help her plan her wedding so I wasn’t the only person asked to help. I agreed then because I know the stress of planning a wedding alone, I picked out centerpieces and helped with things she didn’t know about (something new, old etc ) every since I been helping her with vendors and even picking out her wedding song.
I think deep down I’m not upset about not being in the wedding, I just wish I didn’t look stupid going to the dress fitting and looking at dresses. Like I wish she would have just called me on the phone and been like hey there is a change of plans youre no longer in the wedding. It was done in front of my mother in law, her future mother in law and the fiancé sisters.
I think everyone saw I took it by surprise when I was told. The bride used her little sister to be the one that told me because I know she didn’t wanna look like the bad guy, despite me and my mother-in-law not having the best relationship. She doesn’t allow her daughters to walk all over me but she doesn’t speak English and didn’t know what was being said to me.
After speaking with my husband when I got home from my moms birthday he said his sister asked him two weeks ago to walk her down the aisle due to their father passing, and him being her only brother, and that if he doesn’t attend the wedding I will be opening the worst can of worms ever.
I explained to him that he was suppose to walk with me and that when I was took from the wedding they changed what he was doing. he said he would walk her down the aisle but not go with them in the limo and not be in any photos. I know he’s a huge mama's boy so I will likely not be married in the upcoming weeks.
The petty revenge: I thought about just attending the wedding and when asked to give my prayer, just mentioning in front of the families how the bride and groom are huge druggies. His the grooms family is extremely religious it would just ruin the wedding but my husband knows how petty I can be and thought I have a master plan.
Welp.
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